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Strange situations; Twilight Zone beans
Topic Started: Nov 3 2010, 11:15 AM (958 Views)
findus
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Jerry Kerr
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So I have four days booked in a small family hotel on a nice tropical island. Nice view onto the beach, seabreeze to sleep to, etc.

Day 1, breakfast arrives, a decent attempt at a traditional British breakfast. Bacon, scrambled egg, toast, tomatoes, and beans. The beans are cold, which is a bugbear of mine as hot beans can ensure every mouthful is hot, even if the bacon/egg/whatever has already gone a bit cold. And besides, cold beans ain't my bag. I put it down to an oversight/'British breakfast with Eastern characteristics', and let it pass as it's no big deal.

Day 2, arrive near the end of brekkie. Plate arrives, beans are cold. No problem, I think, benefit of the doubt, it's my fault for arriving to brekkie late. I let it pass, making a note that tomorrow I'll ask the waiter to make sure that the beans are hot.

Day 3, arrive in the middle of brekkie, order the usual and ask the waiter to make sure the beans are hot. He agrees, trots off, and returns 5 minutes later with the usual ensemble, including cold beans. I'm getting a touch annoyed, but I let it pass, I probably didn't emphasize my hot bean request well enough to the waiter whose English is only so-so. I press on with my pretty cold brekkie.

Day 4, last day of the holiday, arrive early to brekkie, different waiter. I emphasize 'hot beans!' a few times until I'm sure the waiter understands. He trots of with a smile on his face and returns 5 minutes later with my plate and announces, "The beans are hot". The beans don't look hot, and they aren't hot. I'm annoyed, how hard is it to heat some beans?, but am trying to keep this in perspective - cold beans, so what? I call him back, "The beans aren't hot, can you heat them up, please?". "No problem", he trots off with my plate, returning 20 seconds later and announces, "The chef said the beans are hot", and places down my plate with the obviously untouched, unheated beans. The reason given is that "The chef thinks that they won't taste good if they are hot".

Now I'm forced into either accepting that they're not able, bizarrely, to satisfy several reasonable requests for hot beans so that I can properly enjoy my breakfast for 25% of my stay, or appearing to be the dickhead who's causing a scene over cold beans.

After first huffily deciding to let it slide, I pick up the plate and stride over to reception, which also happens to be where the kitchen is. I request one last time if I can have hot beans, and then ask if it's actually possible to give me hot beans or not, and I get the same line, three times, that the chef doesn't think they'll taste good if they're hot. I trot out some wanky-sounding line that "I've worked in restaurants, I understand what you are saying. But can you please give me some hot beans, yes or no?".

Finally, the chef appears and grumpily announces that "There are beans in the microwave", before slinking back into the kitchen. Thirty seconds later, some warm beans arrive at my table.

I feel like the royal pr*ck in front of other customers, my beans still aren't hot enough, the rest of my brekkie is now cold, and the staff seem a bit annoyed with me. All over not being able to heat up some f*cking beans!!!

-----

Your strange, twilight zoney situations, peeps? Like the time someone took 25 minutes out of their time start a new thread about cold beans? :)
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The Eggman
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Tommy McLean
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I'd have lost it on the second day. You did well to remain calm for so long.
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whatsthatonyourback
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Waldo Jeffers
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I'm finding it hard to empathise, as
1) I do not like baked beans with a fried breakfast, as it muddles the fatty purity of the plate and makes other things soggy when effort has been expended to make them crispy.
2) I only eat baked beans cold, out of the can. They do taste better cold.
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Naebody
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Twat
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findus
Nov 3 2010, 11:15 AM
nice tropical island ...... traditional British breakfast.


Unless you're classing the Isle of Wight as "tropical," you deserve no sympathy whatsoever.
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Cobardon
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Uncle Smurf
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Don't like baked beans me, but I had a very good traditional breakfast this morning in a guest house down the street from Pittodrie, sans legumes, but with admirably crispy bacon. The crispy bacon makes it for me.

I'll think if I've had any Twilight Zone experiences. Hmmm...
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The Eggman
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Tommy McLean
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Cobardon
Nov 3 2010, 01:00 PM
Don't like baked beans me, but I had a very good traditional breakfast this morning in a guest house down the street from Pittodrie, sans legumes, but with admirably crispy bacon. The crispy bacon makes it for me.

Crispy bacon, dipped into runny yolk. Superb.
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whatsthatonyourback
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Waldo Jeffers
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The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:32 PM
Cobardon
Nov 3 2010, 01:00 PM
Don't like baked beans me, but I had a very good traditional breakfast this morning in a guest house down the street from Pittodrie, sans legumes, but with admirably crispy bacon.  The crispy bacon makes it for me.

Crispy bacon, dipped into runny yolk. Superb.

Certainly is superb, Eggs. Won't you admit that warm baked-bean-juice seeping around the plate interferes with this simple pleasure?
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The Eggman
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Tommy McLean
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whatsthatonyourback
Nov 3 2010, 01:35 PM
The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:32 PM

Crispy bacon, dipped into runny yolk. Superb.

Certainly is superb, Eggs. Won't you admit that warm baked-bean-juice seeping around the plate interferes with this simple pleasure?

The beans should be on the other side of the plate, next to the lorne and black pudding. There's enough scope to have both. Although I tend to go with grilled tomatoes instead of beans.
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whatsthatonyourback
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Waldo Jeffers
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The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:49 PM
whatsthatonyourback
Nov 3 2010, 01:35 PM
The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:32 PM

Crispy bacon, dipped into runny yolk. Superb.

Certainly is superb, Eggs. Won't you admit that warm baked-bean-juice seeping around the plate interferes with this simple pleasure?

The beans should be on the other side of the plate, next to the lorne and black pudding. There's enough scope to have both. Although I tend to go with grilled tomatoes instead of beans.

What nonsense! The beans are hot, Eggs! Hot! The sauce molecules have been agitated by the heating and are going to be sliding all over the place, and don't forget that the plate should also be very warm. Unless you're suggesting the beans are so over-cooked that the sauce has congealed into a semi-solid state and the beans have split, adding their starchy contents to the sauce to increase the viscosity. Are you seriously suggesting that's the way to go?

Certainly, a few napkins could be wedged under the plate on the opposite side from the beans to create a slope that harnesses gravity to form a little pond of beans and juice. But, don't forget the effect of grease and a hot plate will likely cause every other item on the plate to start sliding towards the bean pond. Especially with the inevitable vibration caused by cutting the more awkward items like bacon, tattie scone, fried bread, sausage etc. You're going to have to keep sweeping everything back up the slope away from the pond of beans. It's just too much hassle.

Eating a cooked breakfast is also a bit of a race against time - to eat it all before it goes cold and the fat congeals, have time to maybe go back for seconds if it's a buffet, and get it all down before your body registers that you're way past full and now need to lie down and sweat a bit. Add in a probable hangover and morning jobby loosened by the accompanying coffee to the mix and nobody has got the time to deal with the added complexity of baked beans.

Keep them away from a cooked breakfast.
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Skeletor
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Most likely to be Ann Widdecombe
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Bah, beans. I don't like them most of the time, so I certainly don't want beans for breakfast. Hot or cold they're an annoying and confusing fusion between Pea beans and a grossly sugared, gloopy "tomato" sauce, that infiltrates the rest of your dinner to make all the great things, like puff pastry on a Bell's mince round, a soggy mess that now also tastes like f*cking beans, you might aswell just have a trough of f*cking beans for tea. Tea or dinner? When did dinner start to be called tea? Its also majorly disappointing when the eggs are cooked sunny side down and the whole yolk is a paste, runny yolk's best for dipping your bangers and black puddin in...

I don't think you were wrong to complain Findus, and I do think they actually did microwave the beans 'til they were piping hot, only the temperature of the kitchen staff's spit cooled it down.
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Skeletor
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Most likely to be Ann Widdecombe
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whatsthatonyourback
Nov 3 2010, 02:05 PM
The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:49 PM
whatsthatonyourback
Nov 3 2010, 01:35 PM
The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 02:32 PM

Crispy bacon, dipped into runny yolk. Superb.

Certainly is superb, Eggs. Won't you admit that warm baked-bean-juice seeping around the plate interferes with this simple pleasure?

The beans should be on the other side of the plate, next to the lorne and black pudding. There's enough scope to have both. Although I tend to go with grilled tomatoes instead of beans.

What nonsense! The beans are hot, Eggs! Hot! The sauce molecules have been agitated by the heating and are going to be sliding all over the place, and don't forget that the plate should also be very warm. Unless you're suggesting the beans are so over-cooked that the sauce has congealed into a semi-solid state and the beans have split, adding their starchy contents to the sauce to increase the viscosity. Are you seriously suggesting that's the way to go?

Certainly, a few napkins could be wedged under the plate on the opposite side from the beans to create a slope that harnesses gravity to form a little pond of beans and juice. But, don't forget the effect of grease and a hot plate will likely cause every other item on the plate to start sliding towards the bean pond. Especially with the inevitable vibration caused by cutting the more awkward items like bacon, tattie scone, fried bread, sausage etc. You're going to have to keep sweeping everything back up the slope away from the pond of beans. It's just too much hassle.

Eating a cooked breakfast is also a bit of a race against time - to eat it all before it goes cold and the fat congeals, have time to maybe go back for seconds if it's a buffet, and get it all down before your body registers that you're way past full and now need to lie down and sweat a bit. Add in a probable hangover and morning jobby loosened by the accompanying coffee to the mix and nobody has got the time to deal with the added complexity of baked beans.

Keep them away from a cooked breakfast.

The extra torque that baked beans add to the bowel engine are at risk of causing that dreadful second squat, where over-revving the first sitting fools your body into pressuring for another release. This second sitting consists of tiny shreds of shit compressed into a massive fart blast, followed by sweats and vacant writhing as some baked bean residue exits with a new brown coat on. What drives the body to even attempt the second sitting or feel that it's neccessary is beyond me, and I now do the utmost to nail it in the first and I'm convinced the second doesn't need to happen.
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Naebody
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Twat
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The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 01:49 PM
grilled tomatoes

No. Just no.
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The Eggman
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Tommy McLean
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Naebody
Nov 3 2010, 03:25 PM
The Eggman
Nov 3 2010, 01:49 PM
grilled tomatoes

No. Just no.

You've not tasted my grilled tomatoes.

And you don't hear that every day.
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The Eggman
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Tommy McLean
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whatsthatonyourback
Nov 3 2010, 02:05 PM
Certainly, a few napkins could be wedged under the plate on the opposite side from the beans to create a slope that harnesses gravity to form a little pond of beans and juice.

No need. The outer edge of the bacon buffer will prevent bean and egg mixing.
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Setenza
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Knitting with only one needle
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You don't get these issues with a nice bowl of cereal. Simple and much much nicer...
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