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UK v USA music-ball!
Topic Started: Oct 10 2010, 03:41 PM (572 Views)
findus
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Jerry Kerr
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OK, have been exploring some bands and musicians that have slipped through the cracks of my music collection over the years, and it's got me appreciating how well music that has come out of the UK stands up against music that has come out of the USA, especially in the broad 'rock' genre.

Anyway, that got me thinking, if you could present this UK v USA thing as two football teams, who'd be in the UK team (or USA team if you want to advocate for the USA), and at what positions, and why? I don't mean these two are going to line up against each other in a football match, they are going to face off music-wise in the context of football and the usual roles in a football team. Go with either all groups or all individual artists/musicians, I suppose.

Ok, I'll give the UK a go...

4-1-2-1-2

GK: David Bowie - the obvious choice when looking for a flamboyant cult figure to stand betwenn the sticks to inspire by force of personality from the back and set the tone, Bowie brings an aura of godlike impenitrability to the goal. Brings a two-for-one deal with him - having a stinker? Insta-sub for Ziggy Stardust!

CB: Morrissey - I'm going with a wholly depressing centre-back pairing under the theory that opposition strikers are likely to break down and go all foot-shuffling emo. Morrissey's fits perfectly into this and the arrogant centre-back role who's going to be having a go at the ref for the whole 90 minutes. His 10-inch... quiff is there for the high balls.

CB: Thom Yorke - completing the influential centre-back pairing that both inspired whole music scenes and caused a boom in the psychiatry industry, the Radiohead drone-merchant is the untouchable undead zombie of the team that can only be challenged by undead opposition. The rock of the defence.

RWB: Mick Jagger - attack starts in defence with this line-up, and the Stones' Jagger is the first of two that fits the bill for the insanely hyperactive wing-back job. Tricky dance shoogles make for a hard man to stop or get the ball off.

LWB: Liam Howlett - the 2nd piece of the endlessly rampaging wing-back puzzle, the Prodigy's Howlett comes with the added bonus of left-sided opposition not wanting to go the fcuk near him, effectively shutting down that whole side of the field as an attacking threat.

DCM: Scary Spice - if Jagger and Howlett are going to have free reign to attack the flanks, then Morrissey and Yorke are going to need some protection. Token woman Scary Spice kicks off the midfield diamond as the prototypal reet mental dirty bassa yet angelic holding player that no ref can book. Epic boobs and madcap afro both bouncing a-go-go seek to distract and confuse.

CM: John Bonham (Capt.) - I'm thinking drummers in the centre of the park, high workrate and the pulse of the team and all that. Led Zep's Bonham takes the hard moustached fast power mophead that never stops working role, and is captain to boot.

CM: Stewart Copland - the yin to Bonham's yang, The Police drummer's cross-genre elegance provides flair, variable tempo and a cool head, and as a bonus is Jackie Copeland's half-dad or something. Keith Moon nearly made it to add bizarre scariness and guaranteed back-page-headline-grabbing red card injustice to the middle two.

ACM: Jimmy Page - the vital link between the Bonham/Copeland pace-setters and the front two, Led Zep's Page is the grand orchestrator, the attacking drive of epic sorties towards goal, the unstoppable force that oppositions cannot pin down.

CF: Ozzie Osbourne - first of the front two is the Sabbath ant-snorter himself who takes the role of the 'couldnt give a f*ck how we win as long as we win' strength forward nutcase that is going to terrify/bemuse defences into submission.

CF: Freddie Mercury - the power-finese of the front two, and the imperialist queen out on the lead horse, sabre aloft, thundering the other ten troops into battle. Added charm bonus increasing the likelyhood of opposition defences power-clapping him through on goal unopposed, stadium rock style.


...............................Bowie...........................

Jagger........Morrissey.......Yorke.........Howlett

.........................Scary Spice.........................

..............Bonham...............Copeland.............

..............................Page..............................

................Mercury...........Osbourne...............


Subs:

GK/CB: Charlie Reid & Craig Reid (Proclaimers) three-legged

WB/CM: Keith Moon

CM: Dusty Springfield

AM: Paul McCartney

CF: Tom Jones

CF: Ian Brown

That's a bloody strong, balanced squad with many pioneers and genre-leaders! Beat that! And beat that, USA!
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Cobardon
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Uncle Smurf
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I think you'd need to have Stewart Copeland in the Yank team, I'm afraid. Think you'd get away with naturalising Freddie though.

Other than that, good work.

Though Jagger is about as right wing as Brit pop stars get...maybe Gary Numan too?
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findus
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Jerry Kerr
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Cobardon
Oct 11 2010, 01:15 AM
I think you'd need to have Stewart Copeland in the Yank team, I'm afraid. Think you'd get away with naturalising Freddie though.

Other than that, good work.

Though Jagger is about as right wing as Brit pop stars get...maybe Gary Numan too?

Dammit, forgot about Copeland's Yankness, good catch! I'm not too keen on Moon taking over from Copeland as it changes the feel of the midfield four a bit too much, and Bonham can't be moved out. I think I'll bring in McCartney as the replacement flair and creativity. Eric Clapton replaces McCartney's void on the bench.

Agree on Freddie getting a pass :)

Updated squad:

...............................Bowie...........................

Jagger........Morrissey.......Yorke.........Howlett

.........................Scary Spice.........................

..............Bonham..............McCartney............

..............................Page..............................

................Mercury...........Osbourne...............

Subs:

GK/CB: Charlie Reid & Craig Reid (Proclaimers) three-legged
WB/CM: Keith Moon
CM: Dusty Springfield
CM: Eric Clapton
CF: Tom Jones
CF: Ian Brown
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YazooArab
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Paul Sturrock
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Stewart Copeland would be eligible to play for Scotland/UK because of his Scottish born mother, Elizabeth Lorraine Adie.
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findus
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Jerry Kerr
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YazooArab
Oct 11 2010, 03:46 AM
Stewart Copeland would be eligible to play for Scotland/UK because of his Scottish born mother, Elizabeth Lorraine Adie.

Ooooh controversial! Though born in the USA, he actually spent most of his early years in the Middle East, according to Wikipedia. As much as I want him in the starting line-up, I'm going to leave him out based on his accent :rolleyes:

Someone give the USA counter-team a bash!
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whatsthatonyourback
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Waldo Jeffers
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I like this, but can't quite summon up the effort to do a US team. If I were to do one, it would be based on size of hair. So, Jimi Hendrix, Slash, Macy Gray, Sly Stone, Rob Tyner(MC5 Singer), Zack de la Rocha, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez (At The Drive In), and at that point it was getting too esoteric and involved way too many Google Image Searches to be enjoyable so I quit.
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Cobardon
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Uncle Smurf
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whatsthatonyourback
Oct 11 2010, 11:39 AM
I like this, but can't quite summon up the effort to do a US team. If I were to do one, it would be based on size of hair. So, Jimi Hendrix, Slash, Macy Gray, Sly Stone, Rob Tyner(MC5 Singer), Zack de la Rocha, Omar Rodriguez-Lopez (At The Drive In), and at that point it was getting too esoteric and involved way too many Google Image Searches to be enjoyable so I quit.

Hah! If it's hair size we're basing it on for the US team, I offer an unbeatable midfield general/playmaker:

Posted Image
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whatsthatonyourback
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Waldo Jeffers
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Mosesdammit! Can't believe I forgot him.
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