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| How To Dump; (not that dump) | |
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| Tweet Topic Started: Sep 10 2010, 11:48 AM (2,601 Views) | |
| whatsthatonyourback | Sep 10 2010, 11:48 AM Post #1 |
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Waldo Jeffers
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Well, I have been pondering the best way to go about dumping a significant other recently, but since I'm older, wiser and appear to have certain responsibilities, the methods that have served me well in the past no longer seem appropriate. So, out are 1 - Changing the lock. 2 - Going for a long walk and then disappearing into the woods until I could make a quick getaway. 3 - Ceasing to phone, or answer my phone, until the message was received. 4 - Getting drunk, provoking an argument, then at the end of a lengthy riposte adding "and by the way - you're dumped". 5 - Bribing a friend to get off with my problem. 6 - Escalating obnoxious behaviour until a dumping is provoked. I'm not too keen on outright lies, but neither am I looking to use the old "it's not you it's me" line, as this is both insultingly cliched and has also provoked a painfully violent reaction in the past. Also, while fondness remains, it may be easier to be cruel and erase any prospect of any change of mind. So, what have you found works (or doesn't, definitely, definitely doesn't?) in the dire area of dumping? |
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| The Eggman | Sep 10 2010, 12:25 PM Post #2 |
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Tommy McLean
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Care to elaborate? |
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| findus | Sep 10 2010, 12:29 PM Post #3 |
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Jerry Kerr
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My most foolproof result was announcing that I was off backpacking around the world for a few years, and then did so. Other than that, straightforward honesty of the acceptable variety, no "yer pits reek" or "the sex is shite" stuff. Basically, be straightforward, deal with the storm, then fell a weight off your shoulders. |
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| The Eggman | Sep 10 2010, 12:31 PM Post #4 |
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Tommy McLean
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The incompatibility reason, also known as "we want different things", or sometimes legally known as irreconcilable differences. Kids (wanting them, not wanting them) is a great reason to split. Or "where are we going". If you think they don't want to get married, then suggest it. Or buying a house. Something commitmenty. Of course, both of those could backfire spectacularly, in which case you're left with the old walk into the woods again. Failing that, you could try acting jealous. Check their phone, and get caught while doing it, which may result in: "you don't trust me. I can't be with someone who doesn't trust me." Or get fat, or impotent. |
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| whatsthatonyourback | Sep 10 2010, 12:31 PM Post #5 |
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Waldo Jeffers
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Screaming. Scratching. Slapping. Punching. Knees. Headbutt. A lot of thrashing and writhing. And once I got bored of all that during sex, I had to dump them! |
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| The Eggman | Sep 10 2010, 12:36 PM Post #6 |
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Tommy McLean
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I presume you're here all week.... |
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| whatsthatonyourback | Sep 10 2010, 12:43 PM Post #7 |
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Waldo Jeffers
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Now that's a winner - however, my vanity does not permit it. I like the "act jealous" approach, but that isn't an option in this particular relationship. The "be honest" option is a load of bollocks, as the truth would be far too painful. Has anyone ever tried the "you're not intellectually stimulating enough for me" line? That was a disaster. Also, the "I'm just bored with our relationship" - which is an open invitation to tedious attempts at being less boring. |
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| whatsthatonyourback | Sep 10 2010, 12:48 PM Post #8 |
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Waldo Jeffers
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Yes, all week. |
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| The Eggman | Sep 10 2010, 01:11 PM Post #9 |
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Tommy McLean
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How about you get a bit outrageous (not in a good way) during sex? Slap them on the arse, really hard. Suggest some S&M stuff. Maybe even watersports, and if that fails, suggest scat. Then, if that still doesn't work, suggest a threesome, or joining a sex club. I suggest this presuming, of course, that the two of you aren't already au faix with all that. :lol: Not that there's anything wrong with it
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| findus | Sep 10 2010, 01:18 PM Post #10 |
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Jerry Kerr
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Purposely get caught in bed with someone else:![]() www.midgets-for-hire.co.ru |
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| Homer | Sep 10 2010, 06:29 PM Post #11 |
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Ian McCall
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I'm gonna have to back up this scatting idea. Either that or you're going to need a shotgun, a large plastic bag and a shovel. |
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| Skeletor | Sep 10 2010, 07:50 PM Post #12 |
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Most likely to be Ann Widdecombe
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Assuming you're being serious here, the old best, and most truthful, line is that "the spark is gone" and you "don't see a future" with them. Or in failing that: "I'm gay. And you were the closest thing I could get to a man without giving away the secret" |
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| whatsthatonyourback | Sep 10 2010, 08:13 PM Post #13 |
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Waldo Jeffers
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You're right. Jazz is bad enough without someone singing gibberish all over it. |
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| Micky | Sep 11 2010, 08:30 AM Post #14 |
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Gordon Chisholm
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:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: |
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| Art Vandelay | Sep 11 2010, 11:03 AM Post #15 |
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the king of carrot flowers
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I usually end up being dumped before it starts becoming an issue. |
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